Making Room for the Tender Space in Your Heart
Last week I went into a yoga retreat in Sihanoukville, Cambodia.
The theme was a “New Vision of Yourself.”
I thought this was appropriate for me, seeing as I’m starting a new chapter in my life – starting my business, trying to become more in tune to the whispers of my soul. I felt like I had a pretty good idea of what to expect from the retreat – and that all I really wanted was some help to ground my vision to earth – to make what was in my head a reality in the physical word.
Of course, you know, when you go seeking something, you tend to find something else altogether – which is somehow more what you needed in the first place. You don’t always get what you want, but you get what you need, right?
So I went into the retreat with such a singularity of focus – my eyes were like a laser beam on this business that I’m starting. This is what I want to get out of the retreat, I said to myself. And really, I got a lot out of the retreat in this regard – I met some very cool and encouraging people, I worked on the shame hidden in my belly about shining my light – but also there was something else – something that appeared quite unexpectedly.
And this was a feeling of vulnerability in my heart. This feeling in my heart that was very soft, and tender. It felt so tender that I did not know whether or not I could accept it. It felt like it could easily break apart; it felt exquisitely fragile.
We did a lot of mediations and group work, and on the first night we all sat around in circle. It was late in the evening, so it was dark outside, and the meditation hall was lit up only by a few large pillar candles and then many, many tea candles spread out on the floor. In the circle, the teacher had us turn to put our hands on the back of the person to the right of us. So everyone had someone else’s hands on the back of someone’s heart, and their hands were on the back of another’s. The idea was to pass love through the circle – pass love into the back of each person.
Now, I have done a lot of work in my life opening up my heart – I have been told that it feels like there is a bit of a block in the back so that I cannot receive as well, and the front is overactive – typical of an empathic person, right? We give so much and have such trouble receiving. So the very act of someone intending to give me love through the back of my heart felt profound to me. It felt opening. It felt so tender I wanted to cry. (And actually I did cry, but not just then haha.)
And after this, I heard the whisper of my soul. It said to me, Make space in your life for this, for this tenderness, for this vulnerability. It said to me, it is so important. Because this is what makes you human – this is what connects you to others. This is what colors life and makes it rich and worth living. You can do many things in your life, but this is equally important – this connection.
Sometimes we think we know all of who we are; we think we have explored all of the rooms inside of ourselves. But it always turns out we haven’t. I did not know about this space before – I did not know about this tenderness until it sneaked up upon me.
I asked my heart, how can I honor this part of me? And my heart said:
Do not forget that feeling after is has arisen.
Speak with it, ask it to reveal itself with you.
Be willing to create a new room for it.
Live your life, but live it with space for this.
Live your life – live your life with a singularity of focus if you want – but always, always make space for this tenderness – this tenderness which connects you to the rest of life.
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